My culture: Who am I?

So what is my culture. I'm like an ogre.. and ogres are like onions... :) Yes I sprout little hairs when you put me in the sun (I dread to think what Ill look like after this internship in sunny Spain) Sorry if I killed that joke for all the Shrek fans! So here we go....
My culture: Its funny how I usually know what the word culture means... but when asked to describe my own.. I went blank. I had to double check my dictionary to make sure I wouldn't go on a tangent. I think culture is dynamic. Of course there will be the fundamental things... the basis on which everything is built.. but I believe that my culture today is in no way the same as my culture a few years ago or even more dramatically.. yesterday. When I talk about culture in this context, I mean ideals, attitudes and behaviours that characterize who I am. My culture has changed according to experiences, where I have lived, the influences around me. Maybe I'm wrong.. perhaps.. this is not a change in culture but a change in another aspect of life. Your thoughts would be appreciated. Philosophy was never my thing:) Based on this, I'd have to say my culture is a culture clash. My culture is the product of two very different cultures which seem to oppose each other: conservative Shona culture (from Zimbabwe) and the more open western culture. I guess I could say I'm the grey..... the in between. A working balance between the two. I have picked up aspects of both cultures and integrated them to create Chiism: The culture of Chi. (very unoriginal. But best way to describe it) I like the mix.. I feel comfortable in the mix. It can get a bit confusing at times.. when circumstance demands for the western culture to be implemented but the Shona culture prohibits. Then its not so easy to be the grey. These situations usually demand non-grey attitudes: follow one or the other. On careful thought, perhaps I'm still on the journey to working out what my culture is.
I'll describe what I know. To make it easier for myself Ill go with the iceberg model as Larissa suggested. The tip of the iceberg: I am a 21 year old, African woman/girl/being who is incredibly ''religious''. I put religious in quotes because I have my opinions about that which could take up an entire post. So Ill go on. I am firmly rooted in my faith and it is a major part of my life. I am Christian and believe that Christ is my salvation and the rock on which I am founded. I believe that My life is for the glory of God. I strive to be holy because my Father in heaven is holy.. my life should reflect Christ... Its a lifelong goal.... I'm still on the journey. This is a major part of my life and consequently determines a lot of what I do, how I think, who I am. Maybe I just went beyond the tip of the iceberg there:) Oh well.. Ill go on. I am fairly conservative in my ways. I set really high goals for myself both academically and in life in general, not giving up easily and incredibly motivated: I want to make my family especially my parents proud. They worked hard to get me where I am today (besides God) and all I want to do is show how much I appreciate that. I believe in hard work getting me to where I need to get. If I want something I am going to work by all means to get it. I can be impulsive at times (thanks to my dad) and stubborn as rightly pointed out by my best friend and very opinionated. These latter characteristics though only manifest themselves when I feel I'm being provoked in some way. I like to think I'm funny.. only few have experienced this though. This is because my sense of humour is ''wack''! (I think its great) And Chopie (my best friend) is always there to remind me that I'm not funny. What are friends for right. I love to sing, though I think I'm losing it.. and I LOVE .. NO ADORE.. NO THERE'S NO WORD for the relationship that chocolate and I have. Its incredible. I once ate brownies three times a day for three days... the only reason I stopped was because I ran out of brownie mix. Bordering addiction perhaps.I believe in relativity.. everything is relative to something else. Statement I overuse: 'Its all relative' (Courtesy of the Vels.. physics '02-'05) So that's the surface.. now the digging. The stuff below the iceberg...I am incredibly family oriented. I will choose family over most things. (I want to say all) I think that's a very Zimbabwean/African characteristic. Correct me if I'm wrong. Family is placed above everything.. and I have inherently acquired this characteristic. I am a ''people-person.'' I thrive on relationships. The hardest thing about living in Canada so far is having to live with myself at times and learning to appreciate just being me. Loving my own company and dwelling in the abyss of my thoughts. (truth be told I just wanted to use the word abyss there....lol) I come from a big family.. before Canada.. I had no idea what living alone really meant. I put my all into all the relationships I have, When I say my all.. I mean I give 100% emotionally because I want people to see the best of me and I want the best of them. This has proved detrimental and disappointing at times and made me think that maybe 100% isn't worth giving. Or perhaps I give it too freely or to the wrong people. Friendship is of great importance to me. I find it very hard though to trust a second time if there's a ''breach'' in that friendship. Random facts: I cant go more than two days without speaking to Chopie, which has left me broke on many occasions. I talk to one of my brothers every day( except weekends.. unless hes randomly online), the other brother, once every few weeks and my parents once a week! (I wasn't kidding when I said I value relationships)And my beloved Paulinha...(My other best friend) I actually have no words to describe how amazing she is to me :) This friendship.. I cant express with words, because no words are good enough.

In Zimbabwe, I would be considered ''musalad'' - A salad. lol. Typical expression used for the black person with white tendencies. I went to private schools for all of my nursery, primary and secondary education. I was exposed to largely white populations of students and this had a big impact in the way think, the way I perceive the world and how the world perceives me. I have been called everything from salad to oreo to coconut: black on the outside, white on the inside... and thank goodness there aren't very many other things with this combination of colours.

The best thing about it though is that I am colour blind and culture blind! I have no problems being part of any ethnic group.. I'll find something to connect with. I have had at least one white or non black best friend at all stages of my life and not gender specific either: Jason in nursery school, Martin and Natalie in primary and Paula high school till present.(I used to be a tomboy.. and part of the way I am/dress still reflects this). I find it interesting how in the 'world' I grew up in and in all my experiences, its colour that has determined the cultural differences.

Only in the last 5 years of my life have I been able to connect to the non-salad Zimbabwean side.. thanks largely to Alice (my cousin) who I guess helped in the transition. She's easy going and fits in both spheres.... she made me more acceptable to the ''other side''. (by association.. lol)

And now in Canada.. I miss the Zimbabwean way of life. I am slowly adapting to the western way of life (which isn't a bad thing) but it is becoming more evident how much of a role my root culture plays in my life. So I guess I'm the darker shade of grey.

So if asked to put that into a nutshell, I'd probably say I'm black on the outside. .grey on the inside. An oreo gone wrong? Or a limited edition oreo?..... I'll go with the latter.