Changes.....

I came prepared to change. In my mind, it was inevitable. Every situation is bound to change you in some way. Sometimes we may not notice it.... which is usually the case. Sometimes it may not be as pronounced as we wish it to be. For me, change has come in profound ways, some in subtle ways and some in ways I perhaps haven't even noticed. I think that I will become more aware of this change once I go back to ''normality'', back to Toronto,my friends, my old way of doing things; back to routine. I believe my return to Toronto..... in a way will be the measuring stick. So Ill try to answer to the best of my ability what I have noticed about myself so far in the past few weeks.

Solitude is my new way of life. I don't think I have ever been so comfortable with living on my own and being on my own. I have learnt to appreciate and love my own company and find solace in my own thoughts. I guess I could say my thoughts and I have become re-acquainted. I have to admit that this is one of the very few times that I have ever had enough time and silence to hear myself think about things that are not text book or school related. Its a liberating feeling to just let go and not try to rememebr the dozens of assignments to hand in, the duties to do, phone calls to make, excerpts and passages to read and summer jobs. I have learnt to listen to myself more and appreciate what I have to say to myself.

Low hanging fruit: I dont talk as much as I used to (I hear cheers in the background) For obvious reasons: The only English I hear is a few sentences in the lab when someone is trying to communicate something to me, even fewer sentences from my flatmate who last spoke English in high school (and is now 24) and on the internet when I happen to be watching or listening to something of interest. I would even go as far as saying I'm a little more introverted especially when I'm around people. A few of my colleagues have told me they don't talk to me often because they don't know how to express themselves in English and would rather not say anything than struggle to get a few words out. I am trying to encourage them to speak anyway..... after all 90% of the time they say the right thing. Secondly, I am no longer new here so there seems to be no need for extra effort to talk to me. (That may sound a little wrong.. which it's not supposed to... but I hope you understand what I mean) I understand that completely. I would hate for people to change their daily conversational habits just for me. I am very comfortable sitting in a place and listening to people speak Spanish or Catalan. It doesn't bother me at all, I am content just being here. If anything it helps me to pick up words and learn the languages quicker. Most of the time though... my mind begins to wander..and I get lost in my thoughts.
''Maybe next time you should go to a country where they speak English,'' said one of my colleagues. ''No thanks,'' I replied, ''I like it this way. I like the personal challenge, I like the growth, the independence and the adventure''

Being in a country where I pretty much have no one to depend on except myself has made me use and trust my instincts more and judge my situations with a bit more care and maturity bearing in mind that if I get myself into a sticky situation, getting myself out of it may not be as easy and pleasant as it may otherwise be in Canada. And sticky doesn't even have to refer to anything drastic, a simple behavioural misunderstanding or miscommunication can be enough to create a mess.

I seem to be more observant of body language. After all its the only language we seem to have in common. Facial expressions and body language are some of the factors I use to distinguish the sort of messages being conveyed to me or to someone around me. It helps me to establish the sort of mood in the lab that day and how people are feeling. I think that having words sometimes blinds us from seeing the realities of a situation or the underlying emotion. I have learnt to decipher actions and air drawings and associate them to actual objects... playing pictionary did pay off after all. This reminds me a lot of my dad. He can somehow always distinguish when I don't want to do something even when I say I'll do it with a big smile on my face. He can tell how well a test went for me just by looking at how I walk. (which I thought was ridiculously creepy) I used to wonder how he did it. I used to ask him and his simple response would be... ''because you're my daughter and I know you're body language.'' I get him now. Body language is a powerful tool and has proved to be very beneficial to me. Of course I don't always get it right.... but I'm working on it.

My sense of urgency to do things has drastically decreased. The culture here is very laid back and although important things do get done when they're meant to.... it seems to take a little longer than usual. (This made me realise how 'time-obsessed' I am.) It now takes me twice the time to do anything I set my mind to doing and I seem to procrastinate more than usual. (mid term evaluation is a good example of this) The ''I'll-do-it-tomorrow-what's-the-rush'' attitude is slowly becoming very apparent in the things I do. This frustrates me a little bit. I dislike being inefficient.. or at least trying to be efficient and yet I can't stop this new wave of procrastination. It's like darkness just as the sunsets. You see it coming... u can't stop it.... and slowly but surely it engulfs the sky until there is no light left. I feel like this is creeping in on me.. aaargh! I wake up every morning with a list of things to do that I could have done the day before but chose not to. Bad summer habits? Or is my environment influencing me more than I think? In any case I need to rebalance those scales pronto before I get back to Toronto.

I cook more!! Oh my mother would be so proud. lunch as I mentioned in an earlier post is the main meal in Spain. Usually, because I live on campus, I throw something in the microwave or make some pasta add sauce and ka-bam.... I'm done. Quick and efficient. But after seeing some of the food that people here bring for lunch, I almost felt I needed to put more effort into what I ate. (yes.. I admit.. peer pressure) After all... its my body, I have to take care of it or it may not be so nice to me later. My entire dietary intake is slowly changing. The only problem when I'm back in Canada is time... but I think I may have to reconsider this so that more 'thought time' per day goes into what I intend to eat. Thinking ahead of time diverts my thoughts from lays! (my favourite chips after Pringles) In fact just thinking about my past eating habits makes me worry a little. For example... processed cheese or plastic cheese as my best friend calls it.... used to be my favourite sort of cheese.. until I came here and though its readily available it's not in the same quantities as you would find in an aisle in a Canadian supermarket. I have changed my ways.

No meals seem to go fruitless! A meal is often complemented with fruit, or yoghurt or something healthy. I'm used to binging on brownies or finding something sweet if I have no access to chocolate. And for the first time in a very long time, I walked into a store with the intention of buying fruit and not chocolate or lays or anything else related to junk. It felt good... and boy did it taste good too! I am definitely more serious about finding fresh fruit and veggies and eating fruit at least once a day instead of grabbing those tasty lays.

Just a thought: after eating some good ol' local food, its very hard to believe how chains such as McDonalds, Burger king even have a chance here. Simple amswer: tourists! I guess people will always flock to the familiar.

This last one is not so much a change as more of an observation. I had a conversation the other day with one of my colleagues about girls in different societies and how they define beauty and the lengths to which girls will go to obtain this so called beauty. Random note: girls in Chile use spoons as eyelash curlers! This may happen elsewhere in the world but I had no idea! Anyway, my friend said to me that girls in Barcelona have a very laid back fashion sense (dressing mainly for the weather). Although it is perfectly natural to want to look good and stunning and pretty and beautiful, insert relevant adjectives, (after all I assume all girls want this) they go about it in a very toned down manner. I know this will not apply to every single girl but it was a generalisation I gladly welcomed. I had previously wondered what it was that made me feel a little different here than in Toronto. Simple: I think this society has made me feel more comfortable about just being me. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems ''just being me'' in Toronto. If my jeans and shirt match when I go to class then I've done a good job. But I always feel as if there's a social pressure to dress up and look good all the time.This has manifested itself in many ways over the years... and I'm sure I may not be the only one who's felt that. Or maybe I am. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm in a university environment and it's part of our culture. In any case, my ''simple'' clothing and way of life seems to fit in just fine. Its funny because usually I don't care what people would think, but when you're in an environment where people really seem not to care... it's a liberating feeling.

I don't know how many times I may say this but I love Barcelona. In a lot of ways it reminds me of home. The weather, though not as humid in Zimbabwe, is great. It can get a little too hot.... uncomfortably hot, but I have learnt to appreciate sunshine (though I do miss rain) The culture is very similar to home: really friendly people, the pace of life.. just to mention a few. I think more than anything being here has made me realise how much my environment actually influences me. I'm quite happy here, a few hiccups here and there but no place is ever perfect. I didn't pay much attention to the aspect of reverse culture shock, I didn't think I'd need it. But as the end draws closer and the days seem to whizz by even faster, my heart is growing heavier and heavier. Perhaps its the thought that leaving Barcelona means going back to reality because up until now, I feel as if I've been in another world! Tests, exams, long hours studying, trips to McDonald at midnight to get a Mcflurry (study break) Or maybe I've become so attached and accustomed to life here, that going away maybe like leaving home all over again. Then again, I have a tendency to bid farewell to a place way before the time is up so that way when the time to leave does come, it's not so brutal (after all I had prepared myself for it.) I haven't started my farewell to Barcelona yet.... and I'm anticipating that I may miss it more than I thought I would.